I’ve had 5 miscarriages. 4 in 2017. It was the worst time of my life. It’s what brought me back to God. For years before I had abandoned God and followed Buddhist philosophy. Turns out I only thought I turned my back on God, he was always there patiently waiting for me to return.
After going through so much heartbreak, grief, anger and pain I gave it all to God and put my faith and trust in him. I ended up getting pregnant when my doctor said I shouldn’t have. In fact my doctor thought it was a lab error that showed my hcg level increasing. I went for bloodwork 7 times. My dr put his hands together and just said “please God let this be it”, I was incredibly touched honestly.
My heart was scared after so much hurt that I had such a guard up I had trouble believing it. I prepared myself to hear there was no heartbeat again…the worst words you can hear as an expectant mother.
I’ll never forget that day in December 2017. The ultrasound tech said “please breathe and calm down, look here is your baby’s heartbeat “. I thought I misheard her, I asked her to repeat herself. I was in shock. Typically the techs never say anything until the ultrasound is finished but this lady knew my history and could see I was having anxiety. I went on to have two more ultrasounds that month, each time preparing for the bad news.
Each week that went by was another week I wasn’t believing this was it. I prayed every single day asking for hope and to not be consumed by fear. It was a roller coaster of emotions….
July 20th at 9:25 pm I had my miracle rainbow baby boy. I was 38 weeks 2 days. It wasn’t until I seen my doctor physically holding my baby that it became real to me. I spent 9 months with my walls up “just in case”.
Miracles happen. God answers prayers.
I never knew this was possible but it literally felt like holes in my heart were being filled again. I haven’t forgotten at all but my heart was shattered so many times and I never thought pieces would begin to mend together again.
Wilder-Journey Wesley Chase 7 lbs 20 inches born July 20th 2018 at 9:25 pm.