We always see pregnancy announcements and gender reveals but how often do we see the people struggling to get pregnant? We celebrate the miracle of life at the same time people all around us are suffering, in silence usually. Don’t get me wrong babies ARE a miracle; as someone who deals with infertility there is nothing more that I could probably understand more.
1 in 8 couples are dealing with infertility. This incredibly heartbreaking journey I would not wish on anyone. You spend month after month going through this turbulent emotional journey. For me I start off hopeful and excited when it’s a new cycle. I’ve recently overcome the harsh reality of another unsuccessful cycle but now it’s a new cycle and another opportunity to try and hopefully succeed. I take my fertility medication and then start on the extreme emotional roller coaster that comes from that and then my skin gets angry (I only ever get bad skin thanks to this lovely medication). So I’m up and down and then feeling insecure from how I look from this process. Once I enter the lovely TWW (two week wait- the time from ovulation to when you can test for pregnancy) I have high hopes and anticipation. If I’m lucky and doing well I won’t be plagued by anxiety until after the first week of waiting. Throughout all this although I am up and down in emotional stability I remain pretty strong. I remain close to God and I know as long as my faith is strong hope remains. I spend a lot of time pouring out my heart to Him. Finally we reach the appropriate time to test and I’ve already talked myself into the negative result because again I feel zero pregnancy symptoms. Yet when I see that negative result the sting is never lessened. So many feelings and thoughts overwhelm me- unworthiness, disappointment, sadness, anger, hurt, unfair, etc.
“Stop thinking about it and it’ll happen”
The worst advice you can probably hear as a couple battling infertility. If only that was a possibility. Please never say this to someone.
And so I now wait to start yet another cycle of this ongoing roller coaster. Please pray that I remain strong and can fulfill and learn what God wants of me.
In the summer God gave me a new perspective. He told me my purpose is to learn and grow so I can bring hope to hopeless people who are facing the struggles I have experienced. I understand that, I just wish I could bring hope to myself in the moments of heartbreak.
I will allow myself to feel the sadness but I will not remain in it. I know God is good and has promised me so much- I need to keep that the focus instead of my feelings. Feelings can deceive us and break our faith and hope. We must go by what we KNOW and not just FEEL.